![]() OK State: Ford Stuen, Le'Bryan Nash, Phil Forte: I love Phil Forte on SNL! Also, just name your kid Bryan! Gonzaga: Rem Bakamus: Dude's name sounds like something evil Satanic priests chant over and over again while making a broth out of people's hearts. Weber State: Aziz Leeks, Kyndahl Hill: Tough pick. Picking by best player names West Region.Milwaukee: Quinton Gustavson, Kyle Kelm, Austin Arians: Rough bottom of the bracket. Villanova: Ryan Arcidiacano, Jayvaughn Pinkston: Gross. UConn: Shabazz Napier, Kentan Facey, Tor Watts: Shabazz is a spectacular name, but between Napier and Mohammed, I'm getting used to it. NCCU: Enoch Hood, Karamo Jawara: Enoch is biblical, hood is hood. BUBU! BUBU! Naz is like half-man half amazin'. ![]() Iowa State: Bubu Palo, Naz Long, Kourtlin Jackson. I almost went with Fortune, because who the hell is named Fortune, but "Junior Lomomba" is just so fun to say. Providence: Josh Fortune, Junior Lomomba: The Kennedy-Lomomba matchup didn't go well the first time. Combined with Michigan State football's Denzel Drone, we're really picking the opposite two sides of the Denzel niceness spectrum.ĭelaware: Davon Usher, Jarvis Threatt, Cazmon Hayes MSU: Denzel Valentine, Travis Trice: Denzel IS my Valentine, y'all. I just wish Steve Mondou-Missi got married to Missy Elliott and her name became Missy Mondou-Missi. Harvard: Steve Mondou-Missi, Siyani Chambers. I also think "Deshaun" is the least Mormon name of all time. It's pronounced "Ja-lawn Gwynn," but sometimes I just like to say "ga-lawn goiiiiiiiiiin" in a weird voice while watching Cincinnati basketball. Breaking Bad wins out, though.Ĭincy: Ge'Lawn Guyn, Jamaree Strickland, Deshaun Morman. Wow, between Paris and London I'm surprisingly not into these European names. Cyr, El-Hadji Ndiguene, Ron Trapps, Kyle Buffkin. "Caid Kirven" is that.ĬCU: Colton Ray-St. Virginia: Caid Kirven, London Perrantes: I always side with names that sound like they're renditions of human names by aliens who only heard human names in passing but didn't pick out the exact letters. Also, Bishop Robinson could just be a bishop. I'm a big fan of the Christmas-Bishop religious matchup here. WMU: Bishop Robinson, Hayden Hoerdemann, Connor Tava. I do love saying "Amadeo Della Valle," though.ĭayton: Scoochie Smith, Dyshawn Pierre. Ohio State: Marc Loving, Amadeo Della Valle. I tend not to side with long, clearly foreign names, because I'm not all about mocking other cultures, but this is an excessively long name and there wasn't a lot of depth. "This party's lame - wanna bail?" Apologies to our long-named Armenian friend. ![]() ![]() I like that the dude couldn't pick a color, but is it too much to hope Sergeant enters the military and becomes, you know, a major? ![]() Juvonte nearly got my vote as a Jew who likes my religion in people's names. VCU: Mo Alie-Cox, Juvonte Reddic, Antravious Simmons. Askia is a super-neat name, if you're up on your Songhai emperors. SURELY, there will be disagreements, so, for the sake of full disclosure, here is the full list of all players considered (players in the bracket are bolded) South regionįlorida: Lexx Edwards, Dorian Finney-Smith.Ĭolorado: Spencer Dinwiddie, Askia Booker. Here's how I projected the whole thing (click to enlarge): I come not to mock these names, but to praise them - I'm not going for funniness, just overall brilliance. In order to assist those of you who need help picking their bracket, but would like to do so in a way that has no relation to actual basketball, I'll tell you who would win in a matchup of the best name on each squad. Therefore, I've come here to give you The Name Bracket. However, of these 1,000-plus players, I'd estimate only about 900 or so have legitimate names that human beings are supposed to have. Each of these teams has roughly 15 players, all of which have names. There are 68 teams in the NCAA Tournament field. ![]()
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